Dating and Sex:
For individuals in the U.S. & U.S. territories
There's a good chance you've had the "sex talk" with your parents. Or not. Or learned about human reproduction in health class. Or maybe you've heard a lot about dating, sex, and relationships from friends, movies, and the internet.
So you are all set, right? Maybe…But there's more information that you need to know — and really want to know — inside this book.
Dating and Sex is an awesome, easy-to-read, funny, and insightful book that is chock-full of information and advice to help you get ready for the world of dating, relationships, and sex.
This book is your how-to guide to become a responsible and mature relational and sexual being. And then, you'll be ready for just about everything.
Andrew P. Smiler, PhD, is a therapist and author residing in Winston-Salem, NC.
Dr. Smiler holds a PhD in developmental psychology from the University of New Hampshire and a master's degree in clinical psychology from Towson University.
Dr. Smiler is the author of Challenging Casanova: Beyond the Stereotype of the Promiscuous Young Male (Jossey-Bass/Wiley) and co-author, with Chris Kilmartin, of the best-selling men's studies textbook The Masculine Self, 5th Edition (Sloan Publishing). He has authored more than 20 journal articles and book chapters relating to boys, men, sexual development, and identity issues.
Dr. Smiler is a regular contributor to the Good Men Project and has also written for The Shriver Report, Role/Reboot, Huffington Post, and Everyday Feminism, among other venues.
Dr. Smiler is an associate editor for the journal Psychology of Men and Masculinity. He was president of the Society for the Psychological Study of Men and Masculinity in 2011, and currently serves as the chair of their communications and media committee.
- Bronze Medal for Young Adult Nonfiction, 2016 Foreword INDIES Book Awards
- Silver Medal Honors in the EUREKA! Excellence in Children's Nonfiction Award
Smiler…has written an insightful and engaging work that explores dating and sex in a nonjudgmental manner…Overall, this is a refreshing work that covers a number of pertinent issues (body image, masturbation, sexual identity, etc.) with sensitivity and clarity.
—School Library Journal
Dating and Sex: A Guide for the 21st Century Teen Boy does a great job of presenting information about healthy relationships, sex, consent, puberty, and more in a friendly and fact-based way. Smiler is a therapist and researcher who specializes in male sexual development and relationships, and his extensive knowledge of and experience with his subject are evident throughout.
Even though Dating and Sex: A Guide for the 21st Century Teen Boy is written especially for young men, it is filled with practical, invaluable wisdom for readers of all ages and both genders…Highly recommended, for public and school library collections, and a 'must-read' for teenagers everywhere.
—Midwest Book Review
It's for boys who need answers to questions they don't even know they have…Smiler does an excellent job of urging boys to consider what type of people they are—what makes them tick, what makes them unique—and reminds them frequently how that will change and evolve for the rest of their lives.
I am so very grateful for this book, for Smiler's frank, measured, comprehensive discussion of sexuality for boys. I've already shared it with friends' high-school aged sons and they all give it two big thumbs up!
—Peggy Orenstein, author of Cinderella Ate My Daughter and Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape
Every boy will find himself in the pages of Andrew Smiler's Dating and Sex: A Guide for the 21st Century Teen Boy. It speaks honestly to boys in their own language without ever talking down to them. The content is inclusive of the wide spectrum of ways teen boys define and experience themselves, and the illustrations are engaging, clear, and useful. I highly recommend this book and am delighted to add it to my own classroom library of resources on healthy sexuality.
—Al Vernacchio, MSEd, author, For Goodness Sex: Changing the Way We Talk to Teens About Sexuality, Values, and Health
In a society saturated by either disinformation or mis(sing) information, it's more than just "refreshing" to finally have a book that lays it all out for guys. It's imperative. Andrew Smiler's even-handed, judicious, and down-to-earth book will become the go-to book for teen guys—and those who love them.
—Michael Kimmel, PhD, SUNY Distinguished Professor of Sociology and Gender Studies, author, Manhood in America and Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men
Hey guys! Have you ever had questions about changes to your body, how to ask someone for a date, how to decide whether to have sex, or how to be careful and considerate of your partner if you do have sex? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then this is the book for you. Written by Dr. Andrew Smiler, a national expert on boys and their needs, Dating and Sex is a really cool, easy-to-read, and helpful book that will prepare you for the world of dating from now through your early adult years.
—Mark Kiselica, PhD, psychologist and author, When Boys Become Parents: Adolescent Fatherhood in America
This is a wonderful book! It should mandatory for all boys (and girls would find it a good learning experience, too). It's right on target with the things boys want to know. They can be a tough audience to reach, and if any book has the chance to do so, this one does.
—Joanne Davila, PhD, professor and director of clinical training, Department of Psychology, Stony Brook University
There is so much misunderstanding about adolescent male sexuality and about adolescent males, so much that there is a distance between who boys actually are and who we think they are. Dating and Sex goes a long way towards sensitizing the reader to normal adolescent male development without making it scary or deviant. Parents may wish to read it as well to better understand the adolescent males in their life. This is a great resource for psychologists and counselors, too.
—Matt Englar-Carlson, PhD, professor, Department of Counseling, California State University, Fullerton
Some people think that what it means to be a man is changing. Dr. Smiler cleverly reminds us that the only thing changing is society's very narrow definition of a traditional male. This book helps the cause. It's an eye opener for any parent.
—Wendy Walsh, PhD, clinical psychologist and host, The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show, iHeartMedia's KFI AM Los Angeles
What a great contribution to the psychology of sexual health and relationships literature! Teen boys will love this book because of its direct, no-nonsense approach, and parents will embrace it because it contains information that they may want to discuss with their teenage sons yet may be uncomfortable talking about. As a psychologist, I would suggest it to others to use in their practice with their clients and parents of clients. I actually would like to have a copy for my own pre-teen sons!
—Linda R. Mona, PhD, chief consultant and director of clinical operations, Inclusivity Clinical Consulting Services
As they enter the world of puberty, dating, sex, and romance, teenage boys are often confused or ill informed. Dr. Smiler has astutely and judiciously anticipated the questions teenage boys have about becoming young men. Though geared toward boys, this book will prove critical for their parents and anyone else who cares for the sexual and romantic wellbeing of teenage boys. Based on Dr. Smiler's extensive reading of the research literature on sexual and romantic development during adolescence, this is advice at its best.
—Ritch C. Savin-Williams, PhD, professor of developmental psychology, Cornell University
Issues of consent, gender roles, stereotypes, and the often-confusing and little-discussed emotions in boys' early sexual experiences add up to a substantive, thorough treatment of the topic.
As a father (4 boys and 1 girl) and grandfather (10 boys and 5 girls), I can't think of a better book for young men and women or for their parents. As a psychotherapist who specializes in men's issues, I also highly recommend Dating and Sex: A Guide for the 21st Century Teen Boy. There are few books that are accurate, accessible, and fun to read. I recommend it highly to all.
—Jed Diamond, PhD, LCSW, author The Enlightened Marriage: The 5 Transformative Stages of Relationships and Why the Best is Still to Come